I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
