WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
