I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
