ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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