I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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