So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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