I'm eating all of the evidence.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
