Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
someone owes me an orgasm
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
