it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
