On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
