Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
