ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
