Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize