Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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