if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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