my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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