Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
