he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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