the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
