So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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