is your mom at the bar?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize