when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
