i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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