Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
