You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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