All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
