Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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