like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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