okay pat passed out under dana's car
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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