i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
