Moan for me like Helen Keller
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
