JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
