So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
