how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize