$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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