1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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