you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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