with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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