those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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