in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
