Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I got her a Nickelback box set.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
