Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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