oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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