i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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