The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.