i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
