i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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