why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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