If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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