Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
