New invention idea: vibrating tampons
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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