theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize