Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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