my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
