Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
