Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
