ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
