when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
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Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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