So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
