I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
