Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
