everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
