If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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